Would you like to know what is in Ranch Dressing?  No, you don’t, and even if you did, you couldn’t pronounce it.  A homemade ranch dressing is basically mayonnaise, garlic and herbs, and some sort of dairy, usually yogurt.  I have trouble spelling consistently, much less being it, so my Ranch Dressing is not going to be by the book, but I crave it nonetheless.  Sometimes I need creamy, and I always need garlic and a salty, spicy heat. (It makes me laugh to read back what I wrote “SOMETIMES  I need cream…”  haha.

Anyway, here is how I make Ranch Dressing, and the herbs will vary depending on what I am craving and what I have preserved in apple cider vinegar.  Start out with lots of garlic.

Process fine. Then add a whole egg to your food processor. Process.

Drizzle in good olive oil while the machine is running until you have a thick mayonnaise.

Marvel at the color of mayonnaise made with an egg from a hen who runs freely outside and ponder the scientific, corporate advancements of sparkling white Hellman’s mayo (aptly named.)  Get the creeps and shake it off, (edging one step closer to getting that small chicken coop for your backyard.)

Add whatever herbs you desire at this point.  In this case I wanted a rosemary dressing, so I used a few sprigs of preserved rosemary and some of the rosemary apple cider vinegar I had made earlier.

Add a bit of honey, sea salt and cayenne pepper to your liking.

Now, depending on how large a batch of mayonnaise you made, you can take out some of the mayo and put in a jar in the fridge to save, or you can make this whole batch into dressing. Sometimes, at this point, I will just add raw cream or raw sour cream, for a thick fancy dip, cream sauce or dressing, but it will be thicker and milder than a Ranch Dressing. A Ranch Dressing will be much tangier so you will want to add either yogurt, which I rarely have on hand, or kefir, which I always have on hand. Add a little kefir and process until you have the desired thickness of dressing you want. It will thicken a bit when you refrigerate.

Pour into a jar and periodically dip a spoon in and lick it off when you are in need of a satisfying punch in the mouth. As my teenage daughter would say: YOLO.

If  you are lucky enough to have luscious greens growing in your garden, or like me, this time of year, have wonderful farmers who bring their goods to the Farmers Market, pour it on your salad and enjoy.

Tonight I thickly spread some on a hard boiled egg and some fancy pantsy Gouda cheese a friend made.  Yum!